Friendship. It's arguably one of the most important things a person has in life. I've had loads of different friends and best friends walk in and out of my life as all of us have had. It starts out so simply. For example, Judy likes to play with the bucket while she's in the sandbox, and you like to play with the shovel, so together, well, you two make a pretty great pair and the best sandcastle on the playground. It starts in the sandbox and develops into things like tag and the exclusive monkey bars club (because I mean really let's be serious...only the coolest kids can make it across the monkey bars). Eventually you hit middle school and your friends become the people on your sports or academic teams or clubs. Some of those friendships carry over into and through high school-- some don't. If there is one thing that I've learned since attending college, it's that your high school friends won't be your friends for much longer. Okay that wasn't a fair statement. RARELY will your high school friends be your friends through college.
One of my best friends from high school and I have been having a pretty rough go of it lately. Well, at least that's how I've been feeling. It's hard to accept when people whom you know so well, become people you knew. When the 'o' turns to an 'e' it's a pretty hard reality to accept. I often grab for my phone wanting to text or call several of my best friends from high school, but I stop right as I'm about to press send and think better of it. Why? Because I'm scared they won't respond. If they don't respond then I get upset. Not pressing send is a really messed up way of trying to protect myself from getting hurt. Our communication has been terrible. I realize that we are both extremely busy, but there comes a point in your life when you are tired of calling and no one picking up the phone on the other end. If someone wants to see you and spend time with you, they will make that time for you, whether it's at 3am for ten minutes before they go to bed, or whether it's in the middle of the day and they just feel like chatting with you. What makes people grow apart? Well, some friends go to different colleges; others simply change as freshmen year continues. You realize some of those "great friends" you've had for years of your life, turn out to actually not be the greatest of friends. Some party hard and boy hop while others get engaged.
Enter Bridget and Lena. These two were attached at the hip! You never saw one without the other. They were the classic definition of best friends-- two beautiful girls with totally opposite personalities. Whenever Lena and Bridget were mentioned, someone would ALWAYS bring up how jealous they were of their close friendship. Lena is one of the sweetest people I have ever met in my life. She never talks badly about anyone and carries a soft, gentle tone for a voice. Bridget is one of the craziest girls I have ever met. She is loud and very proud of this fact. She could carry a conversation with a rock, and I'm pretty sure the rock would talk back. The first time I ever met her, the two of us talked for a solid two hours about anything and everything. It was the classic example of opposites attracting. One might say Lena was the peanut butter to Bridget's jelly.
Enter Kostas. Kostas meets Lena. Lena is swept off her feet. The pair fall in love hard and fast, and roughly six or sevenish months later...BAM! The two are engaged! Everyone is thrilled and excited for the adorable and seemingly perfect couple. Everyone, that is, except Bridget. Ever since the start of Lena's fairytale Bridget felt she was slowly becoming less important and pushed out of Lena's life. To cope, Bridget started talking to and hanging out with other people. Once the engagement was official, pent up feelings of anger and hurt which had been festering on both sides of the friendship were released-- on me. Once Bridget and I became close, she slowly started to reveal these bottled feelings.
Lately I have been super, super concerned about Bridget and Lena. Sandy and Danny (two of my wonderful summer roomies = ) )and I were talking about it one night and decided that those two just needed to hash it out. I mean, if their friendship ended then all of the friendships in the world were doomed! It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right! What is it with girls anyway? The general trend is for us to withhold our feelings from the rest of world, yet we still expect everyone to know EXACTLY what is wrong with us AND we expect it to be magically fixed! You can call me a hypocrite because I myself am as guilty as the next one of my fellow females for this trend, but really the whole thing is totally ridiculous! The crazier thing is, is that we often know EXACTLY what we are doing, yet fail to change our ways. We all really just need to take some advice from John Mayer and say what we need to say. Communication is the key to any and all types of relationships. Why is it that people seem to struggle with it the most? So much confusion and heartache would be saved if people could just learn to not be scared or intimidated to say what's on their mind and what's bothering them. The other day Bridget called me upset and concerned about her's and Lena's friendship. I love Bridget to death, but enough was enough.
"You and Lena need to have serious talk Bridget. It's the only way things will get better. This distance thing is making your communication totally suck. You and Lena are a team! You can't just let that all go down the drain because she's getting married! I'm sure she has thoughts and feelings about the matter too that she would love to share. The two of you just have to be willing to sit down and do it. You HAVE to talk about the awkward things. The whole situation is really uncomfortable and it's going to get a lot more uncomfortable before it gets better. You just have to do it and be 100% honest with each other. She's the peanut butter, and you are her jelly. You can't just let that go. That means you are paired for life no matter what." (I tend to make really, really strange analogies about things…just ask Fritz! I once compared his relationship to owning a 90 cent fish from the grocery store…)
"But I'm not her jelly anymore."
Taken aback by this statement and sadden by the hurt in my friend's voice, I quickly altered the analogy. "Okay so maybe you don't want to be the jelly anymore. That's fine. The jelly is messy and falls off the sandwich onto the plate and your hands anyway. Besides, friends are like the bread. They are strong and sturdy and support the sandwich. You are the bread to Lena's peanut butter. Now how often do you see peanut butter fall off of bread? Exactly. You don't. So whether you two like it or not, you are stuck together like bread and peanut butter. No matter what happens you two will always have each other because now that you are stuck, you are stuck for life. (In the words of Elizabeth) Suck it up cupcake. Go talk to your peanut butter and get this mess fixed. It'll take some time, but you two will pull through. She needs you, and you need her."
"She's calling."
"Then answer. I'll talk to you later sunshine. Love you!"
Lena and Bridget talked. It'll take some time¸ but I'm confident that the two will pull through just fine. Relationships change. Though your friendship and role in someone's life may change, it doesn't mean that it has to end. It's okay to be the bread instead of the jelly. If you ask me, the bread is pretty important. Sure, the peanut butter and jelly may get all the hype, but you can't have a successful sandwich unless the peanut butter and jelly have their respective slices of bread. Now if you will excuse me, this piece of bread has to make a phone call to some peanut butter.
All my love,
Koya = )
Lena, Bridget, Kostas - The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Sandy and Danny - Grease
Professor Friedrich "Fritz" Bhaer- Little Women
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